Garden

by Charlee Remitz

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1.
01:41
2.
Boy I bet they think you been a good boy And I bet they think you been goin’ to church You been praying to god instead of breaking my heart I wanna know what lies you been telling yourselves I was the one bleeding But you and your friends victimized yourselves Play the guitar for me While I’m naked in the bathtub Tell me, “Baby, I like you like this” When I’m laying face-down on my mattress A mindless submissive No, you didn’t like a pretty genius You wanted a pathetic girl To pretend to save from the world You couldn’t save me from a god damn thing You can’t even save yourself Go pretend with someone else Someone else Someone simple Blonde hair A couple dimples Someone sprightly and dumb Doesn’t recognize wrong Someone you can outshine in the name of love (Love) I guess you couldn’t take it My greatness So, you played the guitar for me But you never played my music I said, “Babe, it’s my identity that you steal when you don’t say I’m a musician not a mindless submissive.” Cause you didn’t like a pretty genius You wanted a pathetic girl To pretend to save from the world (You didn’t like a pretty genius) You couldn’t save me from a god damn thing (Not a god damn thing, not a god damn thing) You can’t even save yourself Go pretend with someone else No, you didn’t like a pretty genius (Oh) You wanted a pathetic girl To pretend to save from the world Four blue eyes Dark brown hair They both loved drinking and John Mayer He was the funniest person in the world And for a little while He was her hero It was January It was Silver Lake He turned her sad, blue heart Valentine pink And then they blinked The weeks were short The nights were shorter She watched him sleep like she knew he wasn’t hers to keep Seeing the truth before the others That was her superpower She saw the flaws in his friends She saw the manipulation She saw him becoming a chameleon With everyone He hummed basslines underneath his breath But he was a lead melody stuck inside her head But his parents barely knew him Cause he didn’t know himself Or maybe she didn’t know him either He said, he said, he said he wouldn’t leave her But the monsters rushed in And ripped through her skin They were scared of how she’d glimmer when the lights were dim She was one true thing in a miserable crowd And their lies set a fire Set his brain aflame When he looked at her now She would never be the same She was too big for them so they had to kick her out (Had to kick her out) And he left her there to defend herself He ran off with villains when the dawn broke through the clouds She saw it all She predicted every moment From the friends to the impact of the final explosion She’s a musician Not a submissive She didn’t need him And he knew it You didn’t like a pretty genius (ooo) You wanted a pathetic girl To pretend to save from the world No, you didn’t like a pretty genius You wanted a pathetic girl To pretend to save from the world You couldn’t save me from a god damn thing You can’t even save yourself Go pretend with someone else
3.
03:51
In December I went to Portland And I cried to the 1975 I remembered what was important Me and my best friend And a sleepy, little drive through Oregon Here we are again Two broken hearts One rented car And a brand new adventure to remember That these boys ain’t shit A polaroid, some dream pop and a highway To get over them (La, la, la) (La, la, la) (La, la, la) It’s all relative (La, la, la) (Ooo) I know my ex thinks this song is about him (He thinks everything’s about him) Cause he was born in ‘96 (Whoop-de-doo) Twenty miles from Portland We’re twenty miles from Portland (And I’m not thinking about him) Driving to the ocean (Oooo) It’s wintertime, it’s windy, but they’re gorgeous These hearts of ours We healed them right and now this is our moment To take back what’s ours (La, la, la) (La, la, la) (La, la, la) In a little rented car (La, la, la) You’re the air when the sun’s just left You’re pink and then you’re blue You’re perfect You’re the golden hour in the trees Every happy memory is you and me Alcohol and glitter Arizona in the summer Sunrise in a canyon Swimming after hours I’m missing you forever I’m sorry if I ever Loved a boy more than you When you’re the only thing that’s keeping me Together can it just be us no pressure To the moon and back (I love you like that) You’re everything I know because I’ve measured And I’ll measure again It took a million adventures to remember That these boys ain’t shit (They’re just ridiculous) A polaroid, some dream pop and a highway To get over them (La, la, la) (La, la, la) (La, la, la) To the moon and back (La, la, la) And here’s to Portland
4.
I’m trying to make some sense of the things you did Like begging me to stay and then leaving me for dead Maybe you’re sick in the head Or maybe you love to break pretty things (Oh) You drove me crazy (Drove me crazy) You drove me further into my head than I’ve ever been Like an empty mansion I’m a shattered windshield in a brand new Benz Sleep beside me Every night Fuck me hard Until we’re empty Tell me, “Baby, you’d destroy me if you ever tried to leave me” And then go ice cold Take off the damn blind fold You know me, baby So, you know what you’re doing to me You know that you’re breaking my heart on the daily On the daily I’ve been crying ‘bout you taking A bat to a brand new Mercedes Benz You said, “I love you, baby “And I don’t think that love’s gonna leave “You been goin’ crazy for no reason here lately” I know lately you been trying hard to hate me Go ahead and try to blame me but you can’t But you can’t Oh, it’s like Hating the sunset I had to do it Don’t you know I had to rip you from my skin and let you go Maybe I’m ruined (Ruined) How dare you cover your swimming pool eyes and pretend You didn’t do this You stopped caring and my heart exploded ‘Cause I slept beside you Every night I loved you hard And you just let me Lose my mind to you babe I said, “The worry’s eating at me” But you said, “You’re my home” Turns out you lied though You know me, baby So, you know what you’re doing to me You know that you’re breaking my heart on the daily On the daily I’ve been crying ‘bout you taking A bat to a brand new Mercedes Benz You said, “I love you, baby “And I don’t think that love’s gonna leave “You been goin’ crazy for no reason here lately” I know lately you been trying hard to hate me Go ahead and try to blame me but you can’t (Yeah) I gave everything to you in the end I said, “If you want to, you can come back” I cried myself to sleep in my bed And you went out and did molly with your friends You know me, baby So, you know I’m a sunset I wish I could forgive you but you’d drag me into darkness I’ve been crazy It’s just a Mercedes I’d rather have a Bentley instead You know me, baby So, you know what you’re doing to me You know that you’re breaking my heart on the daily On the daily I’ve been crying ‘bout you taking A bat to a brand new Mercedes Benz You said, “I love you, baby “And I don’t think that love’s gonna leave “You been goin’ crazy for no reason here lately” I know lately you been trying hard to hate me Go ahead and try to blame me but you can’t
5.
Well, the senator’s son’s made quite a name for the family Picket signs made out of the paper he’s been rolling Drop it low Drop it low Silver spoons won’t get you where you wanna go Stay high Stay high He got pockets full of seeds, schemes, G-strings And eyedrops to cover his lies His lies Senator Senator He’s like a classical Stone Age king He does more damage than a diamond ring He’ll do more time than the kids on the street At least they know how to manage their money He plays a senator’s son in the light And drinks that chronic shit at night And the podium is in for a treat ‘Cause this kid is nothing short of a dream Well, the senator’s son’s been on his game for a century Recycling all the bottles that he been draining Walk it out Walk it out He got that hashtag-“skrrt”-yah-I-done-changed-and-now-God-is-so-good-yah God is so good, yah Senator Senator He’s like a classical Stone Age king He does more damage than a diamond ring He’ll do more time than the kids on the street At least they know how to manage their money He plays a senator’s son in the light And drinks that chronic shit at night And the podium is in for a treat ‘Cause this kid is nothing short of a dream Senator Senator Senator Senator He’s like a classical Stone Age king He does more damage than a diamond ring He’ll do more time than the kids on the street At least they know how to manage their money He plays a senator’s son in the light And drinks that chronic shit at night And the podium is in for a treat ‘Cause this kid is nothing short of a dream Boy you said some hateful things And I been thinking ‘bout what you said You hurt me on a stage And said, “Look at all these broken pieces.” Boy you said some hateful things You said some hateful things But I’m a writer and I never forget
6.
01:05
7.
04:27
We wanna make money We wanna be happy We wanna break the rules like the billionaires do They write off their prostitutes Their kids can go to Harvard if they want to We wanna break the rules like the billionaires do We wanna make billions We wanna pay dollars for our sins Dirty money for our sins ‘Cause we can’t go to prison if we’re making billions We wanna make billions We wanna pay dollars for our sins Dirty money for our sins ‘Cause we can’t go to prison if we’re making billions If you wanna be something great You gotta be a white man whose daddy’s already got it made We wanna fair shot like the billionaires got They write off their cocaine We smoked a J and we got thirty days We wanna fair shot like the billionaires got We wanna make billions We wanna pay dollars for our sins Dirty money for our sins ‘Cause we can’t go to prison if we’re making billions We wanna make billions We wanna pay dollars for our sins Dirty money for our sins ‘Cause we can’t go to prison if we’re making billions Don’t you know that we’re all hurting (Billions) I know you think that we’re all laughing on the Internet We got no work ethic But we’re really crying We’re really crying (We’re really crying) ‘Cause it’s not fair and they only care about guns and billionaires So, we wanna make billions We wanna pay dollars for our sins Dirty money for our sins ‘Cause we can’t go to prison if we’re making billions We wanna make billions (Billions and billions) We wanna pay dollars for our sins Dirty money for our sins (Yeah) ‘Cause we can’t go to prison if we’re making billions So, we wanna make billions We wanna pay dollars for our sins Dirty money for our sins ‘Cause we can’t go to prison if we’re making billions (Billions) Cause we can’t go to prison if we’re making billions Billions Billions Billions
8.
9.
God, I’m just so reckless I wear it like a necklace God, I’m just so desperate Got agendas and checklist Yes, I did my hair up Yes, I wore this bright, red dress ‘cause I know you’re rich And I go to the bar to say “no” three times and get called a bitch I went home with you so you could hold me down in your bedroom I went home with you so I could testify in a courtroom Yes, I did my hair up Yes, I wore that bright, red dress Yes, I said “no” three times ‘Cause I wanted to be called a bitch So, you dropped a pill in our drinks ‘cause we’re only after your riches And you slap our asses when we walk by ‘cause what we’re wearing means we’re asking for it ‘Cause we’re just girls (Ain’t that what you’re saying?) ‘Cause we’re just girls (Ain’t that what you’re saying?) I shouldn’t have been drinking I shouldn’t have been dancing like that I shouldn’t have been wearing what I was wearing (I shouldn’t have been) Yes, I did my hair up Yes, I wore this bright, red dress ‘cause I know you’re rich And I go to the bar to say “no” three times and get called a bitch I went home with you so you could hold me down in your bedroom I went home with you so I could testify in a courtroom (so you could hold me down in your bedroom) So, you dropped a pill in our drinks ‘cause we’re only after your riches And you slap our asses when we walk by ‘cause what we’re wearing means we’re asking for it ‘Cause we’re just girls (Ain’t that what you’re saying?) ‘Cause we’re just girls (So you could hold me down in your bedroom) It ain’t assault if you’re wearing a dress It ain’t assault if it’s tight and red We’re only after your riches We’re only after you riches It ain’t assault if we first said, “yes” then changed our minds on ya It’s not assault then If we at first said, “yes” then changed our minds on ya it’s not assault then (It never is) If we object it’s talking back It’s not assault if you ask for it (It’s not assault if you’re wearing a dress) If we object it’s talking back It’s not assault if you ask for it It’s not assault if it’s tight and red So, you dropped a pill in our drinks ‘cause we’re only after your riches And you slap our asses when we walk by ‘cause what we’re wearing means we’re asking for it ‘Cause we’re just girls (Ain’t that what you’re saying?) ‘Cause we’re just girls (‘Cause we’re just girls) I hit him with my car cause he was wearing bright orange I stabbed him in the neck cause he was acting like he wanted it He drank too much So, I murdered him (He deserved it) And I’m an athlete (yeah) So, I got away with it He deserved it
10.
These people ain’t your people if they don’t see you And these people ain’t your people if they don’t care to know What’s there inside your soul And he ain’t the one if he can’t stand what you’re doin’ No, he ain’t the one He ain’t the one If he don’t support what you love be brave and move on To someone who can’t keep his hands off you Straighten up, don’t be delusional Be brave and move on Don’t say I didn’t warn you This year I was burned whole I was burned alive But you know Now I spread my ashes everywhere I go This year while I was burned slow I became one with my soul And now I spread my ashes everywhere I go I know you think you can save him So long as you get him to See the truth But it’s a red light he’s running through And if he ain’t seen it by now And if they ain’t seen what you been pointing out They’re never going to These people ain’t your people and it ain’t about you They been using you like a mirror You’re everything they’re not so you’re everything they fear ‘Cause you know just what you were put on this earth to do They’re running ‘round being delusional You’re brave and they’re wrong But they’ll never admit it to you This year I was burned whole I was burned alive But you know Now I spread my ashes everywhere I go This year while I was burned slow I became one with my soul And now I spread my ashes everywhere I go Now I know, now I know, now I know I can only count on myself Everybody else is going through their own hell I ain’t taking it out on you baby I ain’t breaking no hearts just to stay sane I don’t crash into others just to deal with my pain This year I was burned whole I was burned alive But you know Now I spread my ashes everywhere I go Everywhere I go (Everywhere I go) This year while I was burned slow I became one with my soul And now I spread my ashes everywhere I go Everywhere I go
11.
Here’s the thing: I really am the center of my universe I had to make someone else the center of it for a small while to realize that nobody can ever be more important to me Than me Because when he left He took the stars He took the moons All the planets He took the galaxies and sunsets He took the sun He took my wonder My curiosity My trust I loved to look up I loved to admire the world I was always a fierce believer in everything happening for a reason But he turned me against the goodness of existence because he turned me against myself And I let him But I’m so glad I’m so glad weak men know their place is not next to me I’m so glad I know not to apologize for my strength But they weren’t scared of me because I was strong They were scared of me because I could see them I could see all their flaws because I had become so familiar with my own Instead of living in fear of imperfection, I embraced what couldn’t be changed and changed what could be It takes real strength to look at yourself beneath a microscope (Scope) To reject the ego To choose to grow Growth is subtle And with every heartache, I planted a seed In no time, I grew a garden It’s massive It’s self-aware It refuses to be contained It doesn’t mind a little rain, but it’s not impervious to hurricanes It’s a real monster I can’t control anything I can’t control the weather I can’t control the seasons and how harsh they decide to be I can’t really even control my garden But I’m okay with that Because my garden is resilient It does not whither when it’s yelled at, nor does it take things personally It does not expect anything from anyone and it knows when it’s outgrown others My garden is beautiful Heroic Observant It knows its worth (Worth) It’s a fighter (Fighter) And it will not stop growing Or hide behind a wall because its grandeur might offend insecure man My garden does not bloom in spite of them My garden blooms despite them
12.
It’s okay to cry on your couch all day tf you need to I know you feel guilty not getting up for hours But you don’t need to I know you wanna go back over it Like you missed something you know you didn’t And you wanna keep running to your best friends to talk about the same shit It’s okay They’re not sick of it ‘Cause you’re just hopeless, trying to hold onto moments that they all keep telling you to forget And now you’re sobbing because they don’t fucking get it It doesn’t make a difference The universe without him (Oh) (Oh) But I know that eventually the stars’ll come back to me The sun’s gonna set one day And it’ll look pretty I know it’s gotta hurt right now And I’ll only hate suburbia until the golden hour comes back to me Come back to me Come back to me It’s okay to cry in your car on the way to a party And if you need to leave ‘cause you’re not ready to face anybody (Don’t be sorry) (Don’t be sorry) You came out wearing your best dress Nobody cares if you’re on the phone in the backyard (No, nobody cares) Telling your mom, “I can’t do this “I’m so sick to my stomach” It’s okay At least you’re trying To go out and do the things you did before him To fill all the space that he was taking up And now all you feel is so much fucking nothing And nothing makes a difference in a universe without him (Oh) (Oh) But I know that eventually (Eventually) the stars’ll come back to me (They’ll come back to me) The sun’s gonna set one day And it’ll look pretty I know it’s gotta hurt right now (Yeah) And I’ll only hate suburbia (Yeah) until the golden hour comes back to me And it’ll look pretty until the golden hour comes back to me I found myself in a universe without him
13.
I don’t know when but at some point, while I was crying my eyes out on the couch I said to myself, “That’s the last time I sacrifice my peace for someone else That’s the last time I buy clothes to look good for someone who’s not me That’s the last time I stay up when I wanna go to sleep just so I can unlock the door and count down the minutes until he leaves and I become nothing” “That’s the last time I make someone else my everything My reason to be And that’s the last time I dish out chances like they grow on trees That’s the last time I make excuses and blame his stupidity” You can be cruel and stupid You can be evil and naïve “That’s the last time I say, ‘He didn’t mean it because he’s ignorant’ That’s the last time I make someone else’s actions about me” He did what he did and he pretended like he didn’t And that was the worst part: The Indifference I was humiliated texting him over and over again like, “How could you not get it? How could you love me one minute and watch them hurt me like you didn’t?” And that’s where it started My Garden It began with a heartache It began with me I grew a garden as the darkness consumed me And before the sun came up it was already blooming
14.
It's gotta get worse before it can get better I just wanna move on but I can't ‘Cause it's gotta get worse before it can get better And I hope someday I'll stop looking back I'm mad at you for doing this to me I'm mad at you for breaking everything But I'll never stop loving you And I'll never stop hating you And I'll never stop hoping that you will come to your senses But I'll never stop loving you And I'll never stop hating you If you need me I'll be singing the blues and growing my garden I bloomed Nothing blooms quite like a heartache I bloomed Nothing blooms quite like a heartache You gotta plant the seeds before the flowers start growing (Flowers start growing) But sometimes it's dark and the seasons are bad And it's okay to be sad (Ooo) It's okay to lay your head down and cry amongst the roses ‘Cause sometimes I just can't help it I'm mad at you for doing this to me I'm mad at you for breaking everything But I'll never stop loving you And I'll never stop hating you And I'll never stop hoping that you will come to your senses But I'll never stop loving you And I'll never stop hating you If you need me I'll be singing the blues and growing my garden I bloomed Nothing blooms quite like a heartache I bloomed Nothing blooms quite like a heartache I know It hurts like hell and you wanna run away from it Or you're running right back to him But, cry it out You're in the best damn place to grow like a garden without him (Ooo) But I'll never stop loving you (But I'll never stop loving you) And I'll never stop hating you (And I'll never stop hating you) And I'll never stop hoping that you will come to your senses (Never come to your senses) But I'll never stop loving you And I'll never stop hating you (Stop hating you) And I'll never stop hoping that you will come to your senses But I'll never stop loving you And I'll never stop hating you If you need me I'll be singing the blues and growing my garden (Growing my garden) (But I'll never stop) But I'll never stop loving you (I'll never stop loving you) And I'll never stop hating you (I'll never stop hating you) If you need me I'll be singing the blues and growing my garden I bloomed Nothing blooms quite like a heartache I bloomed Nothing blooms quite like a heartache
15.
No, I don’t care right now I get it, god damn Can my anxiety check in later? For the past three weekends I been drinking my heart out with my best friends So, can my anxiety check in later? I got a small town, big love kinda feeling A bad boy, good girl vibe Can my anxiety just not tonight? (Can my anxiety just not tonight?) Can my anxiety just not? It’s hard to fall in love in America ‘cause we’re all anxious when we wake When we wake up When we wake Hey Oh It’s hard to fall in love when we’re already brokenhearted Nobody here is safe and our country’s so divided by it all Oh Hey Maybe I’ll make a break for it Maybe I’ll run away from this Maybe I just wanna live small Maybe the only taste of glory that I want Is the sun setting over a strip mall (Uh huh, uh huh, ooo) I wanna stop for now ‘cause it’s hard to be a legend Wanna take my things and go I’m gonna take all the broken hearts I’ve acquired on this road and I’m gonna let them go It’s hard to fall in love in America ‘cause we’re all anxious when we wake When we wake up When we wake Hey Oh It’s hard to fall in love when we’re already brokenhearted Nobody here is safe and our country’s so divided by it all Oh Hey How do I keep saying this without sounding ungrateful for everything that I possess when some have nothing at all? But I wanna fall in love without feeling like I have to give something up I’d cry for a miracle or just to feel like I deserved one It’s hard to fall in love in America ‘cause we’re all anxious when we wake When we wake up When we wake Hey Oh It’s hard to fall in love when we’re already brokenhearted (Already brokenhearted) Nobody here is safe and our country’s so divided by it all Oh Hey But I wanna fall in love without feeling like I have to give something up I’d cry for a miracle Or just to feel like I deserved one It’s hard to fall in love in America (In America) ‘cause we’re all anxious when we wake (In America, in America) When we wake up When we wake Hey Oh It’s hard to fall in love when we’re already brokenhearted Nobody here is safe and our country’s so divided by it all Oh Hey
16.
It’s crazy We all base our worth on things we can’t control I can’t control how many people stream my music or how much money I make But I can control how hard I work and whether or not I do my best And even then I’m so hard on myself because the numbers I want just aren’t there And then I decide I’m not good enough My work sucks My post got less than a hundred likes on Instagram, so I ain’t shit It’s so stupid My art is valuable so long as I see the value in it I am valuable so long as I see the value in myself Nobody else can give me that Just me (Brad Pitt) (Crazy) (Our girl, Rihanna) (Lady Gaga) (Jennifer Anniston) (Jennifer Anniston)
17.
I promise Brad Pitt probably hates his shit sometimes and Reese Witherspoon doesn’t always love the spotlight I know your ex seems better off without you and your ex-friends don’t really even miss you but Taylor Swift’s got a million fucking issues and Lady Gaga gets real tired of her tall shoes I know your dream seems way too far to reach And you’re sick and tired of failing at everything Oh We’ve all been there Oh (Uh-huh, yeah) We’ve all cried on our bedroom floors Oh I know you think it’s just you! Oh But Brad Pitt’s been a sad girl too They’ll never let Brad Pitt forget Jennifer Anniston It’s took years for Leonardo to get that fucking Oscar win I know you feel like you’re going fucking nowhere and everybody else with a dream already got there You know Rihanna (Our girl, Rihanna) is trying all this new shit But all anybody wants to support is her music You gotta do it (Do it) ‘cause you love it with a passion or you’ll go crazy You’ll go motherfucking bat shit Oh We’ve all been there Oh (Uh-huh, yeah) We’ve all cried on our bedroom floors Oh I know you think it’s just you! Oh But Brad Pitt’s been a sad girl too Oh Oh Oh Oh ∞

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released January 19, 2020

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Charlee Remitz Los Angeles, California

Charlee Remitz is a Los Angeles based dream pop singer, songwriter, producer, and mixer widely praised for her lyrics, which stretch the pop norm.

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